I got an EYE-OPENER situation... I Confess!!!

An eye-opener

Do you know who ‘John Paul’ is? A million dollar question hehehe.. well basically even I was asking this question to myself…  who really am I? for all the issues and question regarding my character, identity, just being me.

Well for the past weeks, I’ve was caught into an enemy’s trap… I basically fall for it… I’ve harbored bitterness, unforgiveness, and created a wrong mindset to other people… Coz I was really fed up… I got burned-out by all the issues that’s been going on for the past weeks… 

Honestly it was painful and I got so paranoid with it… the worse part of it, well I’m not pleasing God for all the things that I’ve been doing… I was so full of ME! ME! ME!... I’m being self-righteous… 

But thank God for still loving me… for still wanting me to change... for still giving me a chance… I wondered why all the preachings, all the talks, and all the quiet times that I’ve been and done with were basically pointing towards to this realization… STOP FOCUSING ABOUT YOURSELF!!! 

It was an EYE-OPENER for me… and now I’m giving and throwing it up, all the bitterness and unforgiveness that’s within me… I’ll stop focusing about myself… and be a solution-finder rather than a faultfinder. I’d rather focus on the people who needs help and who are lost… I’d rather focus on pointing and helping my small group members towards their walk with God, I’d rather focus on the positive things and the blessings that God has giving me, I’d rather focus on glorifying and pleasing God rather than to other people. 

As for those who doesn’t like me, or who have issues with me… well the only thing that I could do for now is to pray for them… and continuously pray for myself that I won’t harbor any bitterness with them, and also pray for reconciliation. It is not I who can change them, but only God. It is not my job to please them… It is not my job to condemn them.

  1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load. Galatians 6:1-5 (New International Version) 

Now I’d like to take this opportunity to apologized to all the people that I have hurt with.. to all the people who I have not given a second chance.. to the people who I have made broken-pacts.

But I’ll stick to my conviction to live an UNCOMMON life… to pray and try to live a life of honoring God, to stay away of any acts of sinful nature (impurity, immorality, hatred, selfish ambition, dissensions, greed, lustful talks) … and the only thing that I can do this is with Christ… cos apart from Him (Jesus) I am nothing… I know by the grace of God I can do this… 

Now I’m bound to have a change of mindset… change of heart… change of character… I won’t let the enemy to hold anything that will hinder me from seeing and hearing on what God would want me to do… I’d stop focusing on myself… I’d rather learn from my mistakes on the past… and change that is wrong with my character… learn to control my temper, learn to shut-up and think first before I speak, and to stop being over-sensitive… coz I’m not pleasing God by doing those kind of things… 

Last thing, I’ve learned to weigh things fairly, to be vigilant enough to secure what’s mine… to provide  boundary to all my conversation… to let God’s wisdom fill me up.

I want to be used by God than the gods of this world…

Now for the question; who am I? well let’s just wait and see… that’s for my next blog…

God bless you all and please do pray for me brothers and sisters!!!

I'm a WORKING PROGRESS...

Hi there!!! it's been weeks since i wrote my last blog hehehe.. oh well, i just wanna share something with you guys...

Truly that the enemy won't let us win by default... i just had a humbling experience about this... well, basically i'm trap into a situation that I'd never expected... I'd never thought that it would happen to me.. it concerns me and my friends...

I won't go into details anymore... but here's a hint... it was a secret.. then I knew it... then a friend confesses it to me... a tension... a fight (somehow)... now partially it was resolved.... hehehehe

As I've said... I've loosen my pride.. i lost my dignity an character just to save a relationship...

Now after all this had happen.. i just felt that no matter how big my problem was, no matter how people tries to break my spirit, I still have God to back me up.. a God who would restore me.. and I He uses people to lift me up again... Honestly I dont know what to think right now... But I am more secrued... IM A WORKING PROGRESS... I know I still have sablays but I'm in the process of renewing myself.. syempre with God pa din.. and now I'm waiting for that moment... I'm faithful to what God had promised me... a full restoration of John Paul.

God bless you all!!!

When things aren't suppose to be what wanted

We have our dreams, we have our vision, we have our goal..

But not all of them are suppose to stay forever... that's the irony of life, when you finally have what you want.. when you finally have what you think that is best for you... in just a split second and twist of fate, it will be taken away from you...

The question would be.. how will you deal with it and what if there are things that aren't really supposed to be with you forever?

It's like having a piece of paper, then you wrote on it, then you simply throw it away or somehow lose it withoue even knowing how.

I've been into this dilemma like a million times hehehe... and back then, i usually get angry and irritated... I tend to think that I'm just not worthy to have it or for them to have me... but lately I've realized that its not those things that build my character, that says who I am.. I finally realized that God has something better... I mean great... that is in store for me... coz after all it's all about trusting what God wants me to have, what God wants me to do...

When things aren't suppose to be what we wanted, the best way is to think... not to specifically look for the answer (at least for now)... but look on what God is saying... what God wants us to do... after all, He is the answer.

It's all about trusting His plans for us... coz God wouldn't want us to suffer... He is our father... and a father would only want what's best for us...

God bless you all!!!

Just forgive and let God!!!

I'm glad na I really let God change me.. I just found out that I was being used up, betrayed (maybe), and being fooled around by some people that I really love... my initial reaction was I'm hurt, coz I can't believe that they would do that... but you know what... I've learned to forgive them right away... yes I'm waiting for them to talk to me, but the whole point is, even if they would like to talk to me or not, well I already forgave them...

I'm a changed person na... I used to easily get angry.. especially with this situation, the fact that I've given my trust to them, not to mention the other people din, but then... I forgave na... and I'm praying for them na lang

God is a god of second chances right, so who I am to despise them... and I already made an oath to understand the situations and people around me...

I would still want to protect them, I would still want to help them...

You know it's hard when you've given all your trust and your honesty to the people you love and in the end they're the ones who would betray you... good thing I have the right focus now... I'm more focus to God, rather than to the people around me...

I made an oath, and I'm vowed to keep it...

Just forgive and let God deal with them... after all, i'm dealing things din in my life... and I'm happy with my decisions....

When I fully let GOD run my life...

Ok here's the catch, i wonder why i' am not getting the things that i've been praying for, plus the blessings... well simply because, I still put my trust and priorities to the people around me, to my friends, to my ministry, and not to God...

The time came when God tested me, he dealed me with this, I had an UBE with my small group0 leader (its like IHD na din hehehe) coz it was painful, I had to let go of all my insecurites, pride, bitterness, unforgiveness, and all... I even had to give up even my reputation as a strong person... in short talagang na-UBE ako.. (UBE = Ultimate Bonding Experience)

It was really painful, and devastating hehehe... but you know whjat, right after I did it... when I fully let God change me, when I made an oath that I will change for the better, that I will really made my focus to God, blessing upon blessing are coming my way... its true that SIN (pride, selfishness, bitterness, etc...) is a blessing blocker. When I let God na lang... right after that day, unexpected blessings are coming talaga...

Our first gig was a success
When I lead the SG last saturday, the sg were blessed with my topic
God gave me an anointing on leading the people
I finally knew who really my friends are
I'm much more peaceful now
Basta madami pa...

Truly, when we OBEY and TRUST God with His plans for us, everything will be perfect...
When we OBEY and treasure the TRUST that was given to us by our SGL, and friends, God is please..

Right now my whole mindset was completely changed talaga... I have changed din... plus its really beneficial talaga... it gives me honor and respect from others and to myself plus it preserves every relationships.

Truly I am restored...

Thanks to all of your prayers.

God bless you all!!!

When everything is meaningless...

When everything fails... God is always there!!!

I've been through a lot last week... unexpected things... unexpected circumstances... and I so ashamed of my response through this... pride... anger... insecurity... lost.. and many negative things... and i'm sorry for it.... I'm was consumed by the negative things that happened...

But.. I've realized that.. when everything is meaningless... God is always there.. and I keep on hanging to His word... I may have forgotten Him, but never He has forgotten me... God loves me... and even you!

Above all the negative things that happen.. I ask for forgiveness to all the people who got into this mess.. because of a nonsense fight... nonsense talks... Sorry for all the shortcomings.. sorry to all the words that I have said... sorry for all the gm's (group message)... sorry for my ruthless actions...

I should have set an example... I should have understand everything...

But I got lost for the past 2 days... the only thing I can remember is the feeling that during the P&W of 5n7... is there is only person that I could think of... that's God... I surrender it out to Him... I repented to Him... and I'm sorry for all the things that I've done...

Honestly right now, I'm broken and wasted, but God restored me right away!!! and I'm thankful to all of my friends who rebuke me and gave me advices and comforted me... slowly I'm beginning to realized more things... more priorities...

I can't wait for the new and restored John Paul... much better and stronger one... and only God can help me... and change me... and I let His will to be done in my life right now...

Again I'M SORRY...

God bless you all!!!

Case Closed: I QUIT!!!

Grabe si God, when I've given up on helping out others, when I've losed my will to encourage others.. here comes another soul who needs help... who need a friend... who wants to know God...

It's a been rough and a bumpy ride for me during the past 3 weeks... I'm helping a friend, helping a friend, and helping a friend hehehe... in short madami binigay na responsibility sa akin si God... it even came to a point na I might lose a friendship dahil di kami nagkaintindihan nung isang friend ko... coz na-burnout na talaga ako.. and i'm losing my patience then.. I even cried for my friend... kasi I know na hes' worthy to be a friend talaga... one of my trusted friends sa church... just last week lang... medyo nabatrip ulit ako dun hehehe... kaya sabi ko.. i'm gonna stop helping other people na... i don't wanna be involved na din and encourage them as well...

But after 10 mins (i think?) I got a text message from another friend, and this time yung dinidisciple ko na... after 2 weeks of no communication bigla sya nagparamdam... telling na may problem sya lately... and it affects daw yung walk nya with God... hmmmm.. Grabe, i got so convicted then.. kasi when I decided to stop na here comes another one that who needs help... it's like God is telling to me 'John Paul, be more patient, I'm giving you another responsibility, another task... never stop believing and don't you ever neglect your duty' at syempre mismo sa akin yun... tama talaga sa akin yun...

Kuya Jam told me to share this story sa small group later that day... and surprisingly he pulled out something sa shinare ko... he told us na we have no right to give, we have no right to stop advancing God's kingdom through helping others... coz Jesus didn't... Jesus died for us... Jesus fulfilled His duty... which is all true nga naman... I mean if God give up on us what do you think na mangyayari today? Same as sa atin... if we give up on those people who needs help... those people whom we loved... those people who doesn't know God yet... useless lang yung ginawang sacrifice ni Jesus for us...

Now, I'm making a bolg decision na I'll just continue on fulfilling my duty, my responsibility, as a God's servant... I know he wanted me to be like this... and all I have to do is to obey and follow his will for me... after all, it's all about God, it's all about His will for me....

Cased Closed: I Quit!

Now, I'm gonna continue this race... zoooommmmmmmm......

Dealing with Conviction

How to deal with conviction? (based on my experiences)

Dealing with conviction, as for me, is very hard... i mean its either you follow or obey your conviction or just do the thing your ego wants you to do... its simply saying would you rather do the wrong way or the right way, when conviction comes in.

When you felt like you're being convicted syempre there's guilt and worries... coz you're in the dilemma of making a decision. Mahirap sya talaga... i mean alam mo na tama pero the question would be... gagawin mo ba yung tama?

I've heard and seen many stories na ganito, convicted sila but still di pa rin nila ginagawa yung tama... at syempre kasama din ako sa kanila... and a brother told me and we jsut to seek God for wisdom and his spirit to fill us so we can make a right decision... and that's my prayer din sa mga under in this situation...

And I agree na mahirap talaga... like for example sa relationship... mahirap magdecide kasi you know na both you eh masasaktan... especially na una palang alam mo na mali... kasi emotions lang nag nandun at you don't know kugn will ba ni God.
Another example would be, when you're convicted dahil someone talked to you... your Small group leader or a friend.. sabi nga di ba..."A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" Proverbs 19:11 (NIV).. we get offended maybe kasi tinamaan tayo.. but basically after being offended... are we gonna do the right thing? o maiilang tayo sa tao na nagsabi ng ganun... and still do the thing na gusto natin... on my part, minsan na-ooffend ako sa mga ganyan but I've learned that.. para sa akin din naman un eh...

Battling out with conviction, again as for me, is when we just simply pray to Godm and ask for his guidance, plus reading the word of course... nandun lahat eh... all the answers are found in that book... the BIBLE.

Lessons learned... it's been a rough but refreshing week...

While everybody na kilala ko was on their vacation... grabe naman yung nangyari sa akin... I spent my Holy Week sa pagiisip lang... madaming dineal at ni-reveal si God sa akin... it started tuesday.. I talked to Kuya Jam, i mean i really need help during that time... and iba talaga yung gift ni kuya Jam... convicted ka pero di masakit.. pero may tama talaga hehehe.. dun lahat nagsimula... I asked God for my sensitivity on his word, yung mga gusto nya sabihin sa akin... the following night..
Wednesday na... I was so convicted.. i was crying then... Dineal ako ni God sa area of forgiveness and bitterness... kaya that night i texted some of my friends to ask for forgiveness as well as I let go na rin yung mga bitterness sa loob ko... If God can forgive... eh pano pa kaya tayo...
The following days, God revealed to me different visions... and sobra ako in awe... and syempre I was in the stage of handling it hard kasi.. sabay sabay sya hehehe...
Saturday naman... i talked to some of my friends.. one thing lang na nalungkot at sobrang na-depressed at convicted ako is dun sa isang conversation ko... I just wished na din na nangyari yun... but i think God let it happened.. so both of us will have to learned on dealing such things then... though both of us handle the situation differently... right now I'm praying na dahil sa nangyari.. mas maging ok kami, mas mabuild yung trust namin rather than ma-offend kami sa mga nangyari... isa kasi sya sa pinagkakatiwalaan ko... and i respect that person...
Sunday... i''ve done something bad this time.. i was consumed by the offenses na nangyari sa akin nung saturday... and that was wrong!!! until I realized during the p&w ng 5n7... as part of the team... i need to let go that feeling... kasi mahirap magworship if there's something na mali sa heart mo...
Monday... as in ngayon!!!... i just realized na i started dealing my sablays ng tama.. and i need to end it din ng tama... and not to start a new predicament ulit...

Lessons Learned... i thank God kasi madami akong natutunan.. though most of them eh medyo mabigat at kelangan ko matutunan in a hard way but I liked it... I've learned din na above all God should be the first... plus hindi lang basta may quiet time ok na... still a quality time with God.. is more important... and an open rebuke is better that hidden love as well as we shouldn't take offenses seriously... coz God is in control.. and we just have to ask and seek God as we go on in this journey.

I Thank God for the Music...

I can't imagine my life now if I had decided not to audition for the music team 1 1/2 years ago, simple because, I really don't have any background in singing then, and if you would ask me on what age did I started singing (formally), man! it was only the time when I passed on the audition.

Though I've been singing already prior to the audtion. but that's only either my teacher/ professor would require it or when i'm with my friends and most of the time, I'm singing together with a group... coz I don't even have a guts to say that 'Hey! I could sing' then...

But God changes everything... He gave confidence to sing, thus He called me into this ministry.

I never though that I would be singing in front of a crowd...

I've been singing in the ministry for almost a year now, and honestly I enjoyed it... I get a chance to meet new friends, musicians, mentors, and I got to serve God of course...

And I thank God for that...
I thank god for this gift...
I thank god for the music...

For me, music is a gift, music is one way of expressing our feelings towards to anything. Its another way of expressing ourselves and our emotions, and I'm a testimony to that. Another thing is, music is something that all the people can relate with, it may differ from genres but all of which have the same purpose, and that is for the listeners, as well as the musicians, singers, and composers can be able to tell others on what they really feel, thus, on what they really want to say.

As for me, through music, I get to expressed my inner most thoughts from which I'm having a hard time on showing it to others then.

I also met my best buddies... my brothers that I'm really thankful for, not just for their company... but for everything that we have been sharing,

and also through music, I know i have changed... for the better of course... i mean, i usually have this feeling of being inferior then, that some people don't see it and that's a big deal for me... but now, as I've said.. I've changed...

Lastly, I thank God for the music simply because through this, I am humbled before him, I am alwyas being reminded of how great He is and how awesome He is, and I'm grateful for what He had done to me, that's why I wrote this blod, coz I just want to share how music changed my life and that I'm blessed to have this gift.

Now, I just want to encourage those people who have given this kind of gift to use and take care of it... because God gave it and I believe that there is a purpose for that gift... just like what God's purpose did to me...

Again, I thank god for the music....

When God closes the door...

I was browsing my old notes on last year's preaching series', then suddenly this phrase caught my attention 'God removes some things in ypour life because He knows what's best for you'

The last quarter of 2007 wasn't the best quarter for me, there's so many failures, disappointments, and trials that I've gone through... basically, my life was a mess!!!

I quit my job, broken pacts with some of my friends, people talking negative things about me and my friends, issues, etc... whoa!!!

It's hard coping up to these things/predicaments especially when they all come like it was a same day package..

To be honest, I didn't care much of the issues but it gets worse as the year ends. God had close many doors in my life during the last quarter of 2007.

Well there are some great things that happened to me during those times, i mean, I finally had my victory weekend, the christmas convergence, and the victory weekend for kids where I was part of the music team, but you know what, its hard coz on the other hand my problems only just get bigger nad bigger... that even up to the start of my 2008, my problemns had gone crazy!!!.

During the prayer and fasting, I've included my problems and issues that I'm into, praying for a breakthrough, I mean I really wanted them to stop, to put an end into it. :)

Little did I know that God wanted to teach and show me much more meaningful things. Its true that when god closes a door, He opens the windows in your life, He really knows what's best for you and never He will let you go on hanging on to those problemes.

God gave me true brothers, friend, and leaders that really helped me in my Christian walk... these people are real blessings in my life, the silver lining behind the dark clouds that entraps me... and I thank God for them, in the midts of all the predicaments and issues, they are there to help me...

Right now, I'm holding on to God's promise
" So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. " Isaih 41:10 (NIV)
As I look forward for more greater things to happen in my life this year, rather than focus my attention to those who casts their stones at me.

For when God closes the door, I know there's something bigger, better, and brighter that's in store for me.

EMERALD AVE.

Doon sa may Emerald kami'y nagsama-sama
Tawanan at kulitan, k\tambayang kay saya

Sari-saring mga damdamin doon inilabas
Sari-saring kuwento doon din ibinukas

Bawat Oras at panahon na kami'y nandoon
Samahan nami'y pinagtibay ng panahon

Mga sikreto at kanya kanyang mga himig
Pinagsam't pinag-isa ng bawat tinig

May mga umalis man at kami'y iniwan
Di malilimutan ang aming pinagsamahan

Doon sa may Emarald ang aming tambayan
Pagkakaibigan na di malilimutan

Pasasalamat sa pagbuo ng samahan
Na higit kailanman hindi mapapantayan

Sa Maykapal na aming pinasasalamatan
Sa barkadahang tunay at walang iwanan

Sacelicious (All Rights Reserved 2007)

I'm blessed to be part of this small group!!! God Bless brothers!!! It's been a great year!!! Kahit di na tayo magkaka-small group.. our brotherhood and friendship still continues.. cmon!!!

Thanks to James Sace.

A Kids Church Experience

Last Sunday I was given a chance to lead a worship at the Kids Church Pioneer 11am and 5pm, as well as help Lhorris at the 6pm Kids Church in Galleria. It wasn't my first time to sing in the Kids church, it was my fourth already, but this is the first time that I'm leading a worship hehehe... well, i was nervous then and don't know what to do, but the experience was GREAT!!!...

A day after I dreamt about the Kids Church and having a conversation to one of the Kids.

Here is our conversation:

Me: Hi! Have you red a bible?

Kid: Yes

(I doubted the kid, so I challenge him)

Me: Can you read this part?

Kid: Sure!

(He red it, I can't remember the passage but its about following Christ and discipleship)

Me: Wow! That's great!... What's your favorite character in the bible?

Kid: The Director

Me: Who's the Director?

Kid: God, because He have done all this things

Me: Wow! ahmm.. What grade are you?

Kid: Grade 6

(Then I took him inside the KC room

Me: Now that you're an incoming 1st year, you should remember to find and mingle with good people but don't forget to reach out those who doesn't know JESUS yet.

(I was crying then, because I was touched by our conversation)
(Then I woke up)

It's amazing that I dreamt of this one... Well it HIT me, because its like God telling to me about discipleship, it's like an advice given to me through my dreams.

and a KID in my dream taught me about discipleship....

Thank you KIDS MINISTRY!

My Compositon: Life plus Home

Life plus Home
John Paul Estrellado

I
Going to a place that nowhere to be found
It's a secret place when no one hears a sound
I'm gonna live my life that way that I should do
And this is my life that you put me through

Chorus:
I can't stay in this world
I can't say this is my own
When no one seems to care
And things that I can't bare
I'm going home on where the light is there

II
I have found a place when salvation is there
I have found a face when all seems to care
I'm in a olace where I call home
It's what I called life plus home

Bridge:
I've found what I wished for
I've found what I wanted before
When everything elses fails
I'm always set to sail, coz...