Burdens

Lord,

There are things that still bothers me even if I already accepted you as the master of my life. I'm afraid, I'm numd, I'm inferior with such things, and I feel like there's no one to trust with as I go on finish my race -- except you of course, you're the only one I can trust and the only one I can share my burdens... my unwanted baggages in this race.

I'm afraid because I don't know my real potentials, I mean, I don't have the guts to just go and claim it --- Yes, I'm a risk taker in some things but I'm afraid to risk on showing the talent you have given me, maybe because I live a life when I was the one who acknowledges the works/ talents of others and no one ever acknowledges me, not that I wanted fame or something, but I only wanted an affirmation that I also have a right to show them what I have got. Yes, you've given me that chance, when I got into the final audition of the Y-Speak correspondent, that you have given me the confidence that I need during that time. You also showed me that there's nothing to be afraid by letting me experience it. But Satan always get to shoot a new predicament which leads me from being afraid to being inferior.

I'm having this inferiority, because people around me always misjudged and misquoted every action and every words that comes out in me. Only few knowswho really I am and what I'm capable of but whenever I show it they always say that I don't have a right to do such things. With that, I'm always afraid to trust anyone that leaves the people a wrong impression that I'm not I'm suplado or mayabang. I find it hard to trust anyone because most of the people I gave my trust with turns-out to be not really trustworthy. I forgive them and actually don't mind on what they have done to me, but still it affects my attitdue and perspectives. This is the reason why I don't usually mingle that much to others. It's not because I don't trust them. I really wanted to be friends with them but it seems I have created an invinsible barrier towards them. I'm afraid that things in my past would happen again, where my friends needed me not because they wanted to but they just wanted to use me or get their 15 seconds of fame, I'm sorry if I'm saying these things, but definitely it bothers me. I also admit that I committed mistakes towards on having a relationship with them, but they made me act that way, and I apologize to you and to those I treated and offended with such wrong actions.

And now Lord, I am numd, numb because of the things I have told you as well as the treatment I'm getting with my family. Well, my family always spoil me and I always get the things I wanted, and I always give them the best that I can in terms of my academics and leadership, but I always get a negative reply from them. Yes, I got a lot of the material things, but amidst all, I still get an emotional attack from them (mostly), leaving me a broken. I can't feel that they are proud of all the things that I have accomplished and also they don't really know who I am as a person. Thus, it makes me numb.

God, I really wanted to cry and let this burden out of me, but I can't... I'm numb... I'm broken... I know God you have a plan on why you made me feel this way. Lord, I'm accept it. I won't stop glorifying you and praising you. All I asked is to cause me to deeply understand and stop me from being afraid, inferior --- so I'll soon be able to trust again myself, thus for being numb.

All the glories and praise

In Jesus name, Amen.